E-Portfolio: The Blind Trail?!

Describe It - Camp Experiences

Learning Objectives:

Level 3

• Select, form, and communicate ideas on a range of topics.
• Use language features appropriately, showing a developing understanding of their effects.
• Organise texts, using a range of appropriate structures.
• Show a developing understanding of how to shape texts for different purposes and audiences.

Level 4.

• Select, develop, and communicate ideas on a range of topics.
• Use a range of language features appropriately, showing an increasing understanding of their effects.
• Organise texts. Using a range of appropriate structures.
• Show an increasing understanding of how to shape texts for different purposes and audiences.

Learning goals:

• To ‘Show, Don’t Tell’ the reader by painting a picture with words.
• A variety of sentence starters
• A variety of sentence lengths
• Edit and rework
• Effective peer checking and feedback
• 
  

The Blind Trail?!

The rustle of the leaves set the scene alight; somber darkness blurred my sight, as I pulled down the velvety material.  My eyes now covered I had no vision whatsoever, I wondered whether my sixth sense would so unleash or would it never.  Being blindfold caused me to itch and twitch creating a discomforting atmosphere.  Guided towards the fine sleek ribbon I was advised to remain  a tight grip.  Considering if I loosened my grip I would have no source of navigation , and would be as lost as a needle in a hay stack.

A collision of feet stampeding over mother nature disposed into the air. With every step  took I verified my surroundings to avoid any unnecessary injuries.  Cautiously I advanced ahead petrified of what was left.  "Rrrrr" an unusual low snarky voice came out of the blue,  startling me and my fellow peers .  Droplets of a clear liquid trickled down my face as I thrust the leaves aside.

Soon I knew this trail was much more than a leisurely stroll.  Clambering over logs I clutched the nearby spiky stringy plant.  Wandering forward we had soon met a dead end; no clue of what we should do. A voice echoed out of the sentinels of the night, which was apparently heading from the other side of the dead end.  There was a way; now that we had finished the walk.  I ripped off my blindfold, and awaited a while before my night vision appeared.

Student Reflection: In my writing one of my goals is to understand the idea of an audience and to use appropriate voice, tone, register I did show this goal because our success criteria for this piece of writing was to write a descriptive piece of writing about an event you enjoyed at camp, and following the criteria I used relevant information. In my writing one of my goals is organise paragraphs and longer section of writing logically ( cohesion) and make meaning clear ( coherence ) I did show this goal because I ordered my paragraphs according to the list of how the events took place and made sure that the whole paragraph was about one steady topic My next step is to use one powerful word to describe everything rather than listing vocab that is irrelevant Teacher Comment: Angam, every time I read your writing, it makes me smile.  I like the way you use vocab to create imagery for the reader.  It makes you feel like you are part of the story.  Your next step is to add the odd short or one word sentences for impact.  - Mrs Hunter